“I told you. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Let me fix my emphasis,” said El with a sigh. “Why are we having coffee in Omaha, Nebraska? We could get coffee... quite literally anywhere. Paris. Morocco. The moon, Lucy. We could be having coffee on the moon if we so desired. But here I sit, in Omaha, Nebraska. So I need you to tell me why it just has to be Omaha.”
Lucy motioned with a finely manicured hand toward the counter at a girl who couldn't have been older than 18 with dark skin and darker eyes and a beautiful smile.
“Crushing on a human, Lucy? Tsk tsk... And so young. I thought you were better than that!” Of course, El was being facetious, but when you had a good opportunity to get digs in at your ex, you went for the jugular without remorse. It didn't matter if you were divine, anyone could be bitter.
“Emily Demirci. First generation kid of Turkish parents. Makes – and I mean this quite literally – the best cup of coffee in the world. So that, Mx. Ridiculous, is why we are in Omaha, Nebraska.” She huffed and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Like you're even one to talk. Knocked up some poor teenage girl and didn't even have the decency to do it physically. You act as if doing it by way of magic cloud is somehow better.”
“Jealous because we never had magic cloud sex? All you had to do was ask...” A look of legitimate pain crossed Lucy's face and El immediately began to regret even coming here in the first place, much less letting their old, vengeful side come out like this. “I'm sorry. You said you had something you wanted to talk about and here I am with my claws out already.”
Lucy allowed herself a smile, but it was hard-earned. “Flaming sword. You have a flaming sword, I have the claws, with the pitchfork and the little spiky tail thing. And it's not as if both of us haven't earned some serious ribbing, all the crap we've pulled.”
“You wouldn't think it, talking to some of my people. They have this whole complicated biography about me and still come away somehow thinking I'm perfect. I destroyed entire cities, I turned a woman to salt. I threatened Moses, of all people, with death if he so much as looked at my face! Everything terrible just gets dumped onto you instead.” Right on cue when the both of them were looking their most pathetic, Emily Demirci came over with two perfect cups of coffee and set them on the table before quickly leaving, deciding not to say anything to the charming woman who always came by, and her friend.
The two drank in silence for a moment. It really was perfect, even the cream and sugar ratios were exquisite. Lucy was the one to break the quiet to continue their conversation. “That's what happens when you break up. The story changes so that you're the hero and they're the enemy. Mine do the same thing, often because of what yours do. They paint me as the innocent, wronged party, and paint you as this sociopathic megalomaniac. It's become this endless cycle.”
“I can't exactly say that's a comforting thought. But I suppose I see what you mean. Every time I think that maybe they're finally getting it in their heads that they need to be better, they go and screw up something new. It's a bit exhausting...” El drank the coffee slowly. It demanded being imbibed with patience, even from a god, even from God.
Here Lucy got a new look on her face, her brow knitting together, her lips pressing together tightly. It was inscrutable, even by the one being that knew her well. “That's... actually... why I wanted to talk to you.” El's head canted to the side slightly, and it took a good deal of concentration for Lucy to not admire their face. “It's... I... I miss you. Oh, not... No, I mean I miss you. What I'm trying to say is that Hell is literally just a place where you don't exist. And at first that was amazing, because we had just broken up and I was bitter. And then it sucked, because I started to get lonely, even with all the people showing up. But recently, it's like... I see what you're up to these days, and I remember how you used to be.” Dammit, she could see El getting progressively more angry and confused the longer she spoke, but she was on a roll now and couldn't stop herself.
“If you've got a point, Lucy, you had better make it soon or I'm walking out of here and leaving you with the bill and your creepy human-crush.”
“You've given up, El! Two thousand years it's been, since they killed-” Lucy cut herself off, not wanting to put too fine a point on it. “And ever since, you've been completely uninvolved. These poor humans have been stuck with wars and famine and destruction, lost and alone in a cruel, uncaring void. Is it any wonder so many have turned away from you? You... You set the world spinning, gave them a couple big miracles, and disappeared.” Her perfect mug of perfect coffee was forgotten and cold now as emotions took over. “When I say I miss you, I mean I miss the creative, hopeful El who threw a bunch of potential at a floating rock, poking and prodding until things crawled out of the mire. You played with dinosaurs for a while, experimented with drastic global weather, gave humans the faith to call down firestorms and split seas. One crucifixion and you just give up??”
The fire was building in El's chest as Lucy continued. “So you, what, called me up just to tell me how pathetic I am? To make fun of me for having a difficult time? I don't understand what you want from me!” Things were getting more tense, and neither of them wanted this to turn into an actual fight – since the consequences could be destructive.
Lucy shrunk away and hugged herself slightly. “I think it's time you start over – time we start over. It wouldn't be that hard, you know. Just wipe the slate clean and build something new. No more Earth, no more Hell, you could even trash Heaven if you wanted. Just you and me and a canvas waiting to be filled.”
The world held it's breath as God decided what it was they wanted. Suddenly, inexplicably, every soul on earth felt anxiety wash over them, sure in the knowledge that at any second a void would open and swallow them whole.
“NO.”
And just like that, everything returned to normal, and everyone laughed and assured themselves it was nothing – just a dip in atmospheric pressure or a lunar shift or something equally ridiculous. They weren't going anywhere. Everything was just as it had always been and always would be.
El's eyes were glowing now, and it took a good deal of concentration for them to go back to looking vaguely human. “...no, Lucy. Ethically, morally, theologically – no. I could, if I wanted to, you're right. And... a part of me does want to. But...” They reached out and picked up their coffee mug. Instantly the brew was hot again, and they sipped it slowly. “Emily Demirci deserves to get out of Omaha and share her gift with the world. Both her amazing charcoal drawings - yes, I keep track of them too - and her delicious coffee. Donnie Crenshaw in Cape Coral has been teaching dance courses for forty years to bored housewives, and occasionally schtupping them when their husbands have passed. He's one of yours, y'know, but he's still earned the right to keep right on teaching and... whatever else he wants to do in his free time.”
El finished their coffee and tossed a hundred dollar bill on the table. Eyes full of wonder, Lucy got up and followed them outside into the fresh air. “There are monks with such intense control over their bodies they can control physiological processes that I designed to be completely autonomic!” A little ways down the sidewalk was a large fountain, which El immediately hopped up onto. “People have developed new abilities and properties I didn't even dream of, and I'm omniscient! They're thinking up cures to diseases they created, solutions to crises that are their fault. They're gonna be living in space, full-time soon...”
A light shone in El's eyes, one that Lucy hadn't seen in millennia. “Aliens. They're gonna need aliens...” They hopped back down from the fountain's edge and hugged Lucy tightly. “Thank you.” When they pulled back, Lucy flashed her signature grin and shrugged. “You were... The thing!! You did the thing! Dammit, Lucy, you haven't played Devil's Advocate in so long, I forgot how good you are at it.” Now came the awkward question that she was pretty much expecting from the moment she called El up in the first place. “Did... was any of it... Do you actually miss me...?”
Lucy rubbed the back of her neck, looking pretty much anywhere but at El. “Well, yeah. The best lies are the ones that contain an ounce of truth. I couldn't have helped you find your spark if you didn't believe what I had to say. Give yourself some credit, El. You're amazing. You just needed a reminder, the only way I know how.”
“You know, I could always make Hell self-sustaining, put someone else in charge. It doesn't have to be... I mean...”
Lucy held up her hand before El got any further in their speech. Too much generosity and she might actually take them up on it. “Every party needs a DJ. Just hold onto that little nugget of information, okay? For when you're having a bad day. Just tell yourself, 'Even the Devil loves me and wants me to do better.'” Lucy turned to go, then stopped herself and offered one last smile to her old flame. “But if you ever did want to have coffee on the moon, well, you know where to find me.”
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